On leaving Carmel

Tradition and modernism cannot coincide. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

On that positive note, this post is neither easy nor fun to write, but to continue to put off what God has been so clearly speaking to my heart would, at this point, be sinful. My journey as a Secular Carmelite has come to an end. After joining the Third Order in February 2017, I will be hanging up my big brown scapular once and for all. Not only was this a difficult decision for me, but one that I’m honestly angry I had to make. I said it before and I’ll say it again, modernism is a spoiled fruit of the devil himself.

Interestingly, I have been thinking it may come to this since I officially began my journey on my clothing day almost two years ago. I wanted so badly to have something tangible to prove about my faith that I set aside some major red flags to keep plugging along to reach the ultimate goal—to become definitively professed in 2023. The people I’ve met at all three of my orders (I’ve moved around a lot with the Army) are all wonderful and I do believe strive to be holy Catholic men and women. However, I believe they, along with the rest of the post Vatican II Church, have been poorly shepherded at best, and downright heretical at worst.

My thought process was that I would become definitively professed, and then petition to begin an order in KC, and restore it to its original fruitfulness. Basically becoming the married St. Teresa of Avila (hahahahaha). I have been following a lovely guide on being a Traditional Secular Carmelite, and while I can certainly do that in my daily life, a Third Order, like convents and monasteries, are made fruitful by its community. It is increasingly clear to me that I cannot in good conscience stay and continue to compromise my core Catholic beliefs to appease the Novus Ordo paradigm. This is precisely why we abandoned what Archbishop Vigano calls the “parallel church” altogether and will never return. To stay silent while folks are giddy about the idea of women priests and Eucharistic Ministers and then complain while their adult children have almost all left the faith or are living in grave mortal sin is both more than I can bear and not what I expect from a Church event. I don’t call it the Novus Ordo grab bag for nothing, and no, it is NOT a coincidence that this does NOT happen at my church.

After rereading my post from yesterday, I remembered that a properly ordered life is what I’ve always wanted, and what God intends for each one of us. I’m not a quitter by nature, so leaving is very difficult and humbling for me, but as I have written before, becoming traditional has been quite the pruning process so far—why should it stop just because I attend the correct Mass and quit wearing pants?

A question I ask myself daily –what is my job? Restoring a Third Order so corrupted AND blinded by modernism is simply not my job, it would eat me alive. To love my spouse and my children and get them to Heaven is my job. Therefore the answer through my tears is clear; there no greater love and solace than resting in Divine Providence.

Could it be that my fear of smallness is indeed becoming my greatest asset?

The goal of all our undertakings should be not so much a task perfectly completed as the accomplishment of the will of God.
–St Therese of the Child Jesus

One thought on “On leaving Carmel

  1. We have been keeping the Faith at home for years. A church divided against itself cannot stand. Modernism is heresy and to accept any of it puts one outside the Catholic Church. Come, Lord Jesus, come! God bless and guide you!

    Liked by 1 person

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